Dear Abby Greenhill: Volume 1

This is better than Saint Francis of Assisi and more impressive than the Dog Whisperer. It is almost as if Doctor Dolittle is incarnated. I now seem to understand animal language. Pets have questions and this is their place to ask them.  
Dear Abby Greenhill:

We understand that you are starting a regular column, dealing with inquiries from pets. This question is designed to test your impartiality to answering questions. Other than color preference, how do you rank Yellow Labs, Black Labs and Chocolate Labs as overall dogs?

Sincerely,
Charlie the Chocolate Labrador Retriever and
Brian the Black Labrador Retriever,

Dear Abby Greenhill:
My name is Eddie. I am an English bulldog. My owners purchased me to be a pet, but they expect me to be a good watch dog. I can be quite fierce. However, like most Bulldogs, I like to sleep. Once I nod off, I snooze very soundly. Therefore, I am struggling in the role of being a watch dog. What can I do to stay awake more? Also, is there anything that I can do help me wake up more easily when I am asleep?

Thanks much,
Eddie

Dear Abby Greenhill:
I am Michael. Please don't shorten it to Mike. I am an American Pit Bullterrier. Recently, I retired from fighting. As you know Pit Bulls generally are not treated very well. The fighting is a tough gig and we don't see any of the greenbacks. I am still bitter about the experience. I'd like to get involved in the UFC somehow. Do you have any suggestions about how to make this career move?

Just Michael

Dear Abby Greenhill:
This is Danny the Dachshund. I don't know if I am alone, but I am offended at being called a Wiener Dog. Do you think that I am overly sensitive or am I justified in the way that I feel.

In appreciation,
Danny

Dear Abby Greenhill:
This is Winner the Whippet. I hear that you like trivia. Can you name a High School in the country that has the Whippets as their school name?

Thanks,
I'm a Winner

Dear Abby Greenhill:
Hi Abby. I am Matt. I am a Mexican Hairless Dog. I've noticed that there are not many of us around. I am in the prime of my life. Therefore, I am a bit ashamed about my lack of hair. Should I wear a sweater? Should I ask my owner for a hair piece to cover up my head? Should I ask my owner to buy me a dog hat? Is bald beautiful? I have heard conflicting messages.

Thanks a lot,
Mixed up Matt

Abby Greenhill responds: Helping Han Van Meegerin: Volume 1

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Copyrighted and originally published on Y!CN (Yahoo! Contributor Network) on November 23, 2009